zadakamom

I haven’t been blogging much lately because I’ve been in a month long kind of funk.  I’ve been really stressed about what else……..M-O-N-E-Y.  I swear this time of year sucks for parents.  By the time you finish paying for school supplies, school clothes, winter sports and activities, you are out of a you know what load of money. I was pissed off for about a week after I saw my kids school supply list. We didn’t take any of this crap to school when I was little and I still managed to turnout ok. I am so freaking tired of buying hand soap/sanitizer, ziplock bags, paper towels, and kleenex.  These people are nuts,  between my 2 fourth graders I was supposed to send 72 pencils to school on the 1st day.  I’m thinking what the hell are you guys going to use them for snacks or what.  And when did bookbags start costing $40. Whatever happened to showing up the first day of school with 3 notebooks, a few folders, a couple pens and pencils. Not to mention, my son is playing football for the first time this year.  It cost over $100 for him to play, that I get.  But nobody told me about the extras that come with football.  Do any of you know what under armour is?  Better yet do you see how much this crap costs?  My child begged me for this stuff because he wants to look like the players in the NFL.   I go out and get this thing, I don’t know what the heck it’s called, it almost looks like scuba gear to go under his jersey and the couch said he had to have gloves.  The gloves were $20 dollars.  I am 32 years old with a job and I have never paid that much for gloves not even for winter.  The freaking scuba shirt thing was $30.  Now the irony is that he’s played 2 games so far and never even touched the ball.  WHYYYY DO YOU NEED $20 GLOVES WHEN YOU DON’T TOUCH THE FOOTBALL?

One good thing that has come from all of this is that I have maintained my weight.  I haven’t gained but the flip side is I haven’t lost much either.  I’ve been working out but nowhere near as much as I was.  I have a new schedule at work and with the kids starting school and my return to school, I haven’t really made a functioning schedule that will allot the time that I need to work out 4-5 days.  Now I’m lucky to get in 2 days. 

Overall after I sat back and thought about everything  I’m still thankful to God that I have what I have.  It may not be much but it is more than some others have.  I look at tv and I see so many unfortunate things happening to so many people.   That made me realize that people are losing homes and being put out on the street, they are losing jobs, children and going to bed hungry, and so on and so forth. I need to quit whining and be grateful that I am not one of those people.  Although it is a constant struggle for me to keep my head above water, it is above water and I guess in retrospect I feel silly for complaining. I’m not real big about spending the money that I have to spend but God has made a way for me to do it so I guess I have to man up.

 Some of you have been sending me messages and I haven’t been responding, I’m sorry.  I didn’t want to spread my funky mood but I appreciate you all and thanks for the LOVE.  I probably won’t be able to take time to blog as much as I’d like because I picked up a full load at school. (for all you thinking that I’m nuts for working full time, going to school full time, and raising 3 kids, I know it’s crazy but it just shouldn’t take 6 years to get a 2 year degree….lol. I am sooooo close I’d like to have by bachelor’s before my children graduate from college lol). But I will try to check on you all a few times a week so that I can hopefully encourage someone or be encouraged by someone. 

My family reunion was this past weekend and I pigged out. I was out of town so I really didn’t get a chance to work out either.  I cut a few corners at the bbq so that I wouldn’t do too much damage.  I was at the park for about 9 hours.  In that time I ate about 2 hamburgers, 2 sausages, a bag of cheetos, 4 cookies and a can of pop. I managed to eat only one hamburger bun.  The other hamburger and sausages I ate without the bun.  I also drank about 8 bottles of water.  I was gone for 4 days so the other days I tried to eat halfway decent.  Although, I did have chinese food for lunch 2 days in a row.  Now that I am back home it is business as usual.  I have to admit that I was nervous about going to the gym today. I was freaked about what I’d see on the scale.  To my surprise I still managed to lose since last week.  I have to say I couldn’t believe it.  I weighed myself about 3 more times to make sure that it was correct.  I wanted to share this with everyone who pigs out for a few days and then wants to give up.  My advice is don’t.  Start fresh the next day and keep on moving.  We are all human and sometimes we will want to pig out.  Just don’t let a few days of pigging out ruin your journey.  Don’t let yourself fall into the same slump that pulled us into this situation in the first place.  Good luck everyone.

Well it was yesterday anyway. But hey I plan to celebrate for the rest of the month. :)  So far so good. I’m down another pound …… 30 total.  I am really beginning to get used to working out. I noticed yesterday that I was at about 150 strides per minute on the elliptical.  When I started 5 weeks ago I was ranging between 90-115.  I’m really geeked about that.  I’m noticing changes everyday in my body I’m still looking for the positive and eliminating the negative when I look in the mirror.  I actually dragged myself into public last night. I went to an open mic poetry reading and I had a blast.  It’s amazing how feeling good about yourself can reintroduce you to the world.  Before I wouldn’t go anywhere because I always felt like blaaaahhh!  Oh yeah and ladies, I went to the store and bought new jeans because all my jeans are beginning to look like saggy crap.  Levi’s has these wonderful stretch jeans that flatten your tummy but do wonder’s for that butt…..let’s just say I was bootilicious last night.  :)  I did have one downfall last week that super pissed me off and almost ruined my new found positive life style, but I got over it. I’m learning to turn lemons into lemonade and stop spazzing out about things that I have no control over.  I am grateful that God has allowed me to see 1 more year. I am healthy, my children are healthy, and for that I am blessed. 

Okay  everyone so I have lost another 2 lbs.  I have hit the 260’s….well yaaaaay me.  Mentally this is a huge deal but ususally when I look in the mirror all I do is pick apart what I need to lose. Gut, thighs, arms and butt, it’s endless. What is really freaky is that I have made a hobby of this. I can literally stand their for an hour picking and grabbing at pieces of my body that I wish were not there.  However, today I had a REVELATION. NO FREAKING MOOOOORE!!!!!  This morning I got up, got dressed, did my hair and when I looked in the mirror I saw a pretty face.  I looked good which in turn made me feel good.  So when I came home and undressed I still saw the pretty face and I didn’t focus on the rolls as much.  I actually noticed where I was loosing inches and not looking as gross as I thought I did.  This was a big deal for me because when I gained weight I stopped attempting to look nice. So from this day forward I am going to embrace my rolls and love myself. I will continue to work hard at losing weight, but I will no longer obsess about how I want to look. I will however accept how I do look.  I realized today that I have not loved myself in a long time, which is probably why I gained so much weight in the first place.  We are our worst enemies.  Stop looking at the bad and focus on the good.  I have beat myself up for so long about  gaining weight but I wasn’t allowing myself time to appreciate what I have accomplished so far.  I am nowhere close to being where I want to be, but most importantly I am not where I was. Everyone be encouraged!     

Okay I have 3 kids and it’s summertime.  In other words they are home allllll day long eating me out of house and home.  I try to keep fruit and healthy snacks around the house, but they never leave me any.  I’d pretty much stand a better chance at winning the mega millions than actually finding an apple when I want one.  I am trying to avoid junk foods but it is so difficult when cookies are $1 and a bag of apples is $6.  Between gas and groceries it is very difficult to keep fruit stocked like I have before the economy went to crap.  I’ve been doing really well balancing my meals, but I’m struggling like an hour or two before bed when I want something sweet.  I’ve tried stashing things around the house (pretty pathetic I know) but they always find it and eat it.  Any suggestions on snacks that won’t attract my greedy children???

I’ve been cutting back on junk food, fast food, and limiting my food intake for about 8 weeks now.  I just began to exercise 2 weeks ago.  I have lost 23 lbs so far, but I have about 100 pounds to go.  I’m really hoping this helps because I have a history of starting out good and blowing it.  However, I’ve never been this big and I am really focused on lifestyle changes as opposed to quick fixes.